May be we really cannot forget someone easily... this is true... May be at first we shouldn't know each other.. May be that time I shouldn't go there.. May be I shouldn't serve you... If I didn't then all this will not happen... At first I am so happy to know you.. I just treat you as 1 of my close friend and I thought we can maintain like this forever.. but.. now... we no longer friend.. I still remember that you say you and me are not friend anymore.. If that day is me reply you ... what will happen now?? May be like this also good.. At least you found someone that love you... Both of us are gemini.. so I know what are you thinking.... I just want to be your friend... but at the time you want more than that.. I know at the end we will be like this... this is not the first experience for me... By the way, I still will view your facebook and I have delete your number as what you want me to do....

School reopen already... today is my first day go to class for this semester... such a boring day... haiz... lecture class so boring.....  By the way, I need to concentrate on my study and enjoying my study life... no more holiday... May be I should keep my mind from that things... so that I won't think anymore.... haiz... so hard for me to forget.... I scare I will do something wrong again...... god bless me!!!!

now my problem had solved... so happy now... feel satisfy.... hope what I have chose will not make me regret... travel to kl with my kk for 2 days.... so happy... haha... such a nice trip..... n now he back to work already.... I am still holiday now... next monday open school already.... and the boring life will start already.... feel scared... I don't want back kampar!!!!!

Holiday~

Holiday now... but the first day of my holiday .... started with sadness.... when I receive that news... I really so sad.... I am so shock and cannot believe what I saw.... But I know I need to accept that reality.... that cannot changed already.... I think so much today.... May be I should let time choose for me.... choose the ending for me.....

Finally my exam is over..... just now celebrate with friends..... so happy..... my holiday start already.... I hope I can have an unforgettable holiday.... I hope so..... Now he said something hurt me again....at the time I disappointed and don't want bother anymore... he said something and I know... relate to me.... he got something that I don't know..... Just because of this... I can smile back and feel happy.... I really don't know what happen to me..... how come I will like this..... I really hate this kind of me.... really hate.... I want to be getting out of such bad feeling.... I don't like this......

coming to the last paper.... the most difficult subject... I guess I no need sleep already.... plus I don't have mood to study.... but I quite happy today.... finally he sms me... but I didn't saw that message... but at least enough for me.... enough to make me happy... thanks....

Finish my math exam today... now just left sociology on monday... which is the hardest subject in this semester.... but I will try my best to study all chapters and remember all the terms in each chapter.... Just take this subject as history... just the language different only.... By the way, my eyes are getting serious these few days... especially at night... eye mol also cannot work... may be because of exam..... Holiday... I am waiting for you... Haha.... I still got 1 more day to study my sociology... Gambateh!!!

Just left 2 more subject.. then my exam will over.. and is near and near to that time... I really hope that the time will pass slowly... better stop there.. but I know it's impossible... what I can do is just appreciate every second... May be I am too greedy and do not know to appreciate what I had now... I know I still can get it back but I just don't want to hurt you anymore... so I just respect you... yesterday having a short talk with him... but at the end I didn't get anything except disappointed... May be is my fault again for not appreciate and being too greedy... I know... may be I just have to be alone... and cannot think so much anymore.... May be study is the only thing that will accompany me always.....

May be is me think too much... Disappointed again... and i will become single soon.. I also not really clear about what is actually happened now.. but single not bad also.. At least i can have freedom.. although will lack of caring of somebody.. may be will regret for losing somebody in my heart... but love is so simple.. now become so complicated... and not suit for me anymore... but if really got somebody that chase me using another way.. not by sms... may be i will take in consideration... but sure not for now... I want enjoy my single life first....

steamboat~

one more thing... because i am busy studying this few days and no mood at all so i din talk about that day gathering... going steamboat again last friday.. with my old classmate... happy to meet them all again.... everybody have their own life already... and sure something have changed... but nevermind... i also got my own life here... with my friends here... all that have changed i also cannot control... however, i also enjoy that day... here are some of our photo.... and that day... i forget i cannot wear high heel shoe... and scold by shi ni.... haha.... i am the tallest that night....

first time~

Today is my first day of examination in my uni life... and is not good... when i reach campus i just noticed that block B is block. I cannot go to print my slip... without that I cannot exam... so i rush to block H from block B... and i am searching the printing shop after reach there... when i found it, there is a long line there... Luckily they want photocopy... not printing... after printing i rush back from block H to block B.... really tired..... when i reach block B, then we are allow to go in already... critical thinking paper really kill me.... my english is so poor.... and the test paper is all test on vocabulary... i cannot even understand what the question ask.... i just wish at least i can get a B for it... then i will really very happy already.... tomorrow is economics..... I want score in this paper.... i would not let my critical thinking damage my result.... so i need to work hard to make sure other subject can score.... God bless me....

Gathering for X13~

Tomorrow will be the last day for me to attend classes for this semester. Just now we are having a small gathering for our group at golden sand. Have fun just now. Now i need to concentrate on my preparation for final exam, i just left few days to go. so nervous. first exam in my uni life. I hope friends here still can contact next semester as we are still friends. I still remember that for the first time i came here, i really hate here. But now i knew so many friends and have a lot of fun. I enjoy uni life now. I start ti like here now. here are some photos we took just now... and now i want to put my effort and fight for success. "kampar teh" !!!!

stay away from me~

i am just trying to keep all those problems away. what i want is just a peaceful life. please..... don't disturb me anymore. love is not important to me. my study family friends will come first. so if you say you love me is your problem. for me you are just my friend. i didn't think so much to couple with you. never. this won't happen to me. i have told you to stop it. if you do not want to do so, never mind. i will try to stay away from you. so that i just can concentrate on my study and i won't hurt somebody i loved. i will try my best to succeed as soon as possible.

exam~

week 13 is coming.. all mid term test ended.. this means final is coming.. time really past so fast.. semester 1 want already want end. i think i should start my revision now..plan my time well so that i can score in my exam.. my target is scholarship... i want it so much.. if i can get my dad won't have to spend so much for my study.. i think i should leave all matter around me  and concentrate... may be is real i shouldn't think about love problem anymore.. if is me that will always stay with me.. if is not then what i do also will be the same.. this weekend... will be the time for me to study... i hope i can do it... Gambateh... recently i just realize that i shouldn't miss class... every second count... all that i have pay for it... i cannot waste it... i remember i didn't miss any tuition class because my dad had paid for it... even go school is free i also attend everyday.. so now i attending economic although my friend didn't.. Just need to be alone.. but i need to use to it.. as now i am in university and this is university life....

last presentation for sem1~

today i finish my last presentation. However, the ending not good. I have prepared myself well but what i get at last just talk 2 sentences only. because time up already. and i m the last presenter. so i cannot continue already. Just leave it. Not my fault also. Is just because we din prepared well only. i dun know what i am thinking now. How come i can love another guy and that is not my boyfriend. i have shared this problem with him and i know is not fair to him. but may be is me selfish. he treat me too good until i cannot let him go. for the guy i love really sorry. may be we are same so i know what will happen if i together with him. i will be treated not as good as what my boyfriend did now. i know he will hurt me. i prefer the one who treat me good instead of someone i love. may be i will regret but i really scare i will miss someone that good to me.

Ghost~

so long time din feed my blog. many things happened within this period of time. i done my radioplay and critical thinking presentation. i gt my math test, sociology and economic test. my math not bad. my sociology manage to get full marks. i also wonder how i can do that. my economic not so good. never mind. i will try my best in final. actually i don't know if friend really important. but may be like this i will know who is really my friends. got 1 friend now. actually he got chance but i worry too much. i know he will not suit to me. our background not same. although our personality almost same , this is the main problem. we think things at the same way. i will get mad when he not care me. and he just a selfish man. he not what i want. but why i still cannot let him go. he is the only 1. although he hurt me , i still cannot hate him. may be we are really same as me also will make people suffer like this. and now i know what the feeling now. i remember last time i manage to let him go but he find me at last. i think i should find ways to let go him. i don't want like this anymore. this few days raining at night. the whole night. may be is because of ghost month now. i back to him last saturday. i don't know this is right or not. but what i want is just i cannot find someone else that treat me better than him.

辛苦～

从星期一到现在。。还在伤风。。很辛苦。。喉咙痛不能好。。算了。可能迟点会去买药。。那些人终于尝试到那种滋味了。。虽然我知道我这么想是不对的。。可是他们这样对我的时候是那么的得意。。现在让他自己尝尝那种滋味。。那只是报应。。而且害他的人不是我。。。。我真的不想再信他了。。口是说没有。。可是却做了出来。。他以为我不懂。。还叫人宝贝。。恶心。。这种虚假的人。。。满口谎言。。虽然我并不想跟他。。可是他怎么可以这样对我。。我要报复。。让他尝尝那种滋味。。。。你等着吧。。。。

累～

这几天好忙。。 那天星期五skip了一堂课回安顺。。星期六就出去买衣买鞋。。晚上就赶着出去了。。这次的观音诞的宴会我叫了威豪。。我有想过要叫他。。以前有这么希望过。。可是现在关系不同了。。我知道我不能这么做。.昨天要交economic assignment。。星期天晚上时才做最后的工作。。我什么都不懂。。就什么都不会。。一做就做到五点多了。。我好累。。第二天睡到十点多。。早上那堂课我没去。。还好最后还是完成了。。虽然不懂分数怎样。。可是至少也有做完。。昨天还有数学测验。。还好不会很难。。我还有精神。。晚上时去讨论今天的presentation。。我好累。。快要倒了。。可是我还是要做完我的东西。。一点多回到家。。立刻就睡了。。今天也skip了数学。。没办法。。为了presentation。。今天表现得不好。。虽然心没跳很快。。毕竟我面对百多人也不怕了。。只是是说英文。。天啊！我英文那么差。。还是豁出去了。。现在还有ct 和 economic presentation。。还有radioplay 和 report。。考试要到了。。好怕。。。。希望我能把全部都做好。。。。加油！！

不习惯～

今天回安顺。。。一回到家听不到小P的声音觉得很不习惯。。妹妹只是很兴奋的看着我摇着尾巴。。可是我最爱的还是多皮。。好想它。。看见那空空的笼子真的很不习惯。。想起它平时的叫声其实一点也不吵。。至少这样我会知道它还在我身边。。虽然现在我看不到它可是我知道它在这里的。。永远在我心里。。说过不会再难过了。。可是回到这里没办法不想。。这是最后一次了。。以后不会再为这件事哭了。。不会了。。。

再见了～

给小P：
今天7月27日将是我最难忘的日子。。 今天当我一把电话拿出来时看见我姐发来的信息。。 说你已经离开了。。 此时的我真不敢相信。。 立刻打电话回家。。在这时我的心跳得很快。。 我希望那不是真的。。 当我妈说你真的死了时我立刻放声大哭。。我的心很痛。。

我说不出话来。。小P。。对不起。。我很后悔上个星期没回去看你。。 我真的很后悔。。 这消息对我来说真的很不可思议。。好不容易忍住泪水。。一回到家立刻就哭了。。我真的没想到你那么快就离开我了。。对不起。。我没回去看你。。送不到你。。连你最后一面都看不到。。 对不起。。以前调皮的作弄你。。对不起。。以前曾经骂你打你。。对不起。。我会想你的。。 谢谢你。。在难过时陪我。。听我说话。。谢谢你。。在我考试时乖乖陪我读书。。 谢谢你。。让我不再害怕狗。。我现在一点都不怕。。变得很爱狗了。。 我会想念你那调皮的动作。。我会想念你乖乖让我帮你搽药的样子。。我会想念你那撒娇的样子。。我会想念你的叫声你的可爱的眼神。。你那可爱的鼻子。。我会怀念你让我乖乖帮你冲凉的时候。。我会想念你对我摇尾巴的时候。。我会想念你懒惰。。钓鱼的样子。。 我会想念你吃醋的样子。。 我会想念你的。。 我真的接受不到。。多希望你像上次那样只是不见。。不是真的离我而去。。 还记得我爸本来想把你丢掉。。那时候我根本想象不到跟你分开的日子。。 我好后悔没回去。。对不起。。我希望你在天上能获得快乐点。。。我会想你的。。。保重了。。。我爱你。。
爱你的主人 pei 上

 

 

 

 

 

different monday~

Today Su Hui sick so she din go for first two class. Pity her. Caught in the rain till sick. Luckily she already recover and can go for class. Next week is my first presentation for my sociology assignment. The problem now is we haven done anything and I need to rush home on Friday. This may cause us dun have enough time to take video and I scare we may get low marks. Now i still have to revise my critical thinking and still got to find topic for my critical thinking presentation. How can I done this well in such short period. I guess I have to sacrifice my sleeping time. Just now went out with my friend. I cannot mention who is that because he dun want me tell others but I dun know why. Seem I have promise him so I have to do it.Have a nice talk and long kai around the new town. hehe. If need to tell what is my feeling now, I just can say I din experience this before. He is the second  guy who fetch me using motorcycle beside my dad and one of my best friend, even my boyfriend also din do this before although he have told me many times he want to. I am wondering why this few day I will feel hot on my face and he is also around. So is it just coincidence or what.??? I also dun know..

forget it~

First time for me to sleep at 4am. Actually I really not tired at all. Just I really cannot sleep. I tell myself yesterday will be last night for me to worried about that. Now he know what my decision and hope he can live happily without me. I not sure if I really can forget this , I just will try my best not to rely on him anymore. May be really because of his friends, I not dare back to the past. I really suffer a lot as others don't know about this. They may think what I done all are wrong so will be my fault all the time. I don't like this. Back to the past will just bring me back to such life. Now i feel satisfy with my life and without stress. Thanks for my friends who accompany and care about me last night. thanks a lot. Friends are always better than love.. need to correct a bit... is true friends..

weekend????

First weekend at kampar. What is the feeling of me now? Feel lonely?? May be. I seldom go out with friends as no 1 ask me to go out. Normal case for me. I used to it already since in secondary school. Never mind. I know I am easily forget by my friends. Therefore, I appreciate all the chances that can gathering with my friends. By the way, I am happy after saw that. haha. However, I not sure is that me, but still got possibility is me. So, happy also. Yesterday my sister ask me about him and I told everything to her. She know what happen between us now. May be after some times, I will tell my parents also. Now i am tired of waiting... When I start to wait like this. I din wait like this before. Please.. help me.. I dun want like this.. Please.. This make me suffer a lot... Just let me forget then enough already...

assignment~

i am so tired. just now had a meeting on economics assignment at kampar station there. Thanks chee yit for fetching me there so that i can save time and energy cycling and i can reach home safely. Now want finish my sociology for tomorrow meeting. Today i have story to 2 of my friends about what happen yesterday. i feel better after i say out. Single is better for me now. May be i am not going to accept him again and back to the past. I dun like it. Now nothing is important than my study. I want to study well while looking for my true love here. XD.

haiz~

今天考试考到7.30.。哪里知道雨下的好大。。幸好文杰载我回。。脚车我就留在学校了。。回到家开电脑开fb。。一开就让我看到我不应该看到的东西。。我已经饿死了。。当我看到的时候我立刻找他问清楚。。他认了。。她是这么说我的。。。

我很久没有写东西了，这次我 要写的东西是要给我一个很好的朋友，我想骂醒《她》不会好好 珍惜一份爱。。她很固执，很无理取闹。。。难得在一起那么久了。。。最后的答案给我还 是跟那男的〈分手〉了。。。拜托。。。你会后悔罢了。。。那么好的男生你不会珍惜，你认识了这个男生，你认为他会对你好吗？？信得过吗？？这些是要你慢慢的反省反省 吧。。。也许会太迟。。。迟不要紧，自少要给你明白！但是你觉得你是对的就继续傻吧。。。作伪朋友的我们。。。真的觉得很可悲。。。你认为你吵架的时候写在facebook给人家看 了人家会同情你吗？！可怜你吗？？！！错了！！人家〈网友〉会笑你蠢罢了。。。不会可怜你！！就算来安慰你的人其实都是要你早分早好！总之！路，我走过，我也...后 悔过。。。自从那次，我想了很清楚！所以我很珍惜 我这份爱。。。现在的我跟他真的没有烦恼了。。。奉劝你一句啦。。。在一起不要将对方绑得太紧就可以了。。。还有，不要过分乱跟不认识的男生出去就可以 了。对的起自己，对得起他就可以了。。。这样的话。。。那么就不会有这样的下场。。。！想看吧。。。朋友不是不给你参。。。只是，你又不懂他是什么人，他骗了你怎么 办？？！！你懂你这样你男友会很担心你的吗？相反的，如果你 男友在那边跟女生
出去你会怎样？？结果？？一样的。。。小妹~我不多说。。。希望你会看到。。。希望你不要生气。。。这是我实话实说。。。我真的不想你走我曾经的路。。。
在一起 那么久了，你不会觉得可惜的吗？？没有朋友对我来说是借口！！你有男友了，要那么多朋友来做么？？！！现在对我来说！朋友不重要！就算没有朋友都是
一样可以 过生活。。。我真的觉得我以前很傻，很小孩子！你试看想一想。。。想通后你会和 我现在一样。。。每天都那么开心的。。。试看。。。...往好的方面想他
对你的好吧。。。这样就有好的结果。。。不要一直往不好的想。。

他们根本不了解真相。。我看了我真的很气。。明明不是我的错。。为什么要把他扯进来。。根本与他无关。。是你自己拿来的。。为什么要把责任推到我身上。。为什么每次什么都是我的错。。在他们眼里我就是错的那个。。永远是他对罢了。。算了。。我真的不想再解释什么。。反正我没错就对了。。不要跟我说这些大道理。。。说了也没用。。因为这不是主因。。帮不了什么。。只会把事情越弄越糟。。让我更讨厌他。。。弄巧反拙罢了。。

please leave me alone~

after back home i have a nap for two hours... actually i just wan to sleep for half an hour but really too tired .... raining again... tomorrow will have my math test 2.. hope it won't rain.. if not i will become wet again and may be will sick again... now i din wish to have a boyfriend and not really want to.... and please dun disturb me anymore... now i do not need you already since you have decided to let me go ... hurt me so hard... luckily i am still alive.. so please ... i dun wan get hurt again... i just want to concentrate on my study ... that's all... i know i will meet you also 1 day... but i have decided not to back to you again... not because i not love you... is because i love myself... i won't let myself back to the past.... i hope you will understand...

ong bak

today going to cinema watch 'ong bak 3' with my gor gor... hehe.. so happy... every time he also ffk... today he din... finally... long time din see him already.. almost 2 months... have a nice day... today really is the day i cannot forget... such a happy memory after i have some sad memories recently... and i discover my gor gor have large different with that guy.....he is much nice than him... back kampar again and have math test 2 on tuesday.. got a bit hard this time.. but i will try my best...

gathering

i get extra RM80 today.. haha... i have extra money to spend .. so happy... today happy to back my san min meet my teacher and friends... we have a small gathering today.. although dun have all of us there but is enough already.... we take photo and hug together before leave.. have a nice memories.. i think we can meet when hari raya as i got semester break that time and they have holiday... although i have lost him and will feel a bit alone, i still happy i got my friends... is enough for me right now... i not sure until when i can keep this as secret and i am not sure will it be same like before... just let it happen naturally.. i dun have so much time to care about this anymore... but i dun know is good or bad news... just after i become single i have few admirer now.....

san min~

back to hometown again... i am so tired.. next tuesday got math test.. still got so many assignment to do.. haiz.. is so heavy...  i am really will fall sick if continue like this.. by the way i will try my best to get everything done.. tomorrow i will go back my san min and can meet my old friends there.. and wear formally.. haha... so excited... but tomorrow need to wake up so earlier.. may be have to rest earlier tonight... our radioplay is just ok and he accept what we written.. just hope he can cooperate well with me... that's all... enough...

please stop blaming me~

finish my economics test today.. i am so tired... and slept in library today..i hope my test will be ok.. wish my marks won't be so low... after today he will start to disappear in my life.. i don't know why he pushing me so hard until i cannot breathe.. he keep on finding excuse for himself just to prove he is good... and i m bad girl so we just will like this.. and still his friend is blaming me and again say is my fault.. ok... fine... i don't care... i am so busy with my work.. a lot of things to do... so i will just leave it... hope i can forget it...

test~

having ecnomics test tomorrow.. tonight will be the remaining time for me to revise and put my last effort... hope i can do well in my test... now talk about my radioplay.. got some problem now... we din use ronald idea and he angry now... we lack of time now and i do not wish will got any conflict with my group member so that we can cooperate well... and now he din reply me.. may be he is angry now.. But really sorry for din inform u earlier... i din mean dun wan use his idea just mix character may get very low mark... so hope he can understand this... want continue study now... gambateh!!!

tired～

so unlucky.. after class is raining.. and i cycle back in the rain with hui jing and 1 of her friend.. when i back to my room.. i cannot bath first because i still got to cook.. prepare for my dinner.. and still need to wash clothes.. so many stuff to do.. i headache at last and now i can feel my body very hot.. don't know why... anywhere... this not the first already.. now want to start revise my economics again for my thursday test... gambateh!!!

moody day~

Today i am so tired... Feel wanna sleep in class.. May be because din sleep well for 1 week ++ ... Someone is asking me to be his girlfriend today.. But i cannot accept him because he is my friend.. just a close friend.. i know he is waiting me for such long time and now i am single so he thought he got chance.. But i just dun wan have any boyfriend for a period of time.... Alone is better for me.. At least i can concentrate on my study..  I just tell few friends about my story with him has ended.. But still got people will ask me.. like what pei man do today... is ok for me.. today i met someone and i think our friendship will ended soon.... what i realize is nothing will last forever, everything will change.. including love as well as friendship...

back here again~

again... Back to kampar again... a boring place.... staying in teluk intan is better.. at least got people to talk to.... i feel so lonely when back to my room... don't have people to talk to... so hard for me... but i think i can suit to life like this and may be can enjoy lonely life... 1 day....

In ti~

Studying my economic today.. 5 topic.. and i can finish in 1 day... Lol.. i so pro.. haha... But i still need to study again and again to make sure i really remember it... i just scare the question will be very tricky.. Searching script for my speaking test today.. i found 1 website that contain so many script.. Never mind.. Just leave it first... Actually today want go out with my gor gor... Just he ffk again.. He din sleep for whole night and i scare he will very tired so ask him go sleep.. Noobie so pity today... because of his test.. He so sad... i hope he will cheer up...

FRIDAY~

1 more assignment.. is speaking assignment.. But this is much fun than economics and sociology.. Just like when we listen to radio.. All that sound effect... haha.. However, when grouping, take so much time... Just because Miss Chan want our group consist of boy and girl.. and boy in my class is limited.. Just got 9 guy in our class... Really very few.. Each group got 1-2 guy... haha... Lastly i manage to get my group.. with vincent and ronald as well as su hui and 2 more indians... Now still dun have any idea.. But i guess this will be very fun... And 1 more things is someone had make me worried.. He din reply my message and din answer my call... i thought something have happened on him... Luckily i din go and wait him like a stupid.. Haiz... when i met him at cafeteria... he just ask me am i waiting him... in a such way... i just reply no.. and he go away.. what still i can say.. impossible for me to say yes.. and scold him.. ok... fine... never mind... Just forget about this... i promise to myself, i will never waiting him and worry like a stupid anymore....

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lastly i decided to join blog.. i think here will be the best place for me to share all my feelings.. For me, is so hard to find someone to talk to.. and sometimes i not willing to disturb them also... so i prefer write here.. okay... Let's talk about today.. finally i get my math test 1.. although i cannot get full marks but i still satisfy with my marks... 19.5/20... haha... so happy.. i like math so much.. and this is only the subject i confident with.. my test 2 will be on week 8.. i will try my best and also try my best to get full marks.. if possible....